


Bait

by scribbler567



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-19
Updated: 2020-05-20
Packaged: 2021-03-01 02:28:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,888
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23207752
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scribbler567/pseuds/scribbler567
Summary: Severus finds he is not the only one who understands his role as Dumbledore's bait. Eventually SS/MM, but focused more on friendship than romance
Relationships: Minerva McGonagall/Severus Snape
Comments: 4
Kudos: 45





	1. Chapter 1

**A/N: I’m still working on ‘Through Another’s Eyes,’ but I’ve had chapters of this new story idea written for weeks on my phone, and social distancing has me real bored and wanting to try my hand at having both stories going. Definitely a darker tone than ‘Through Another’s Eyes,’ so it’ll be fun to switch between them both. Read and review** **😊**

Nobody else understood. He'd grown to see that from his first staff meeting. Uncomfortable and unfitting for the job, Severus had felt completely isolated as he sat around the staff table for the first time. Albus was a different man to them, still a good man, still a man who cared, but not the Albus he had come to know.

He knew Albus as the man who gave him a second chance. But that chance came with a price: his life. Sure, Albus wouldn’t outright harm him, but Severus was forever at his beck and call. It was an agreement worth getting out of the life he'd chosen, yes, but the thought of not only teaching his entire life, but forever playing the double agent role was unsettling. He knew that he was lucky the man had forgiven him and defended him. The Potions Master would be forever thankful. But he also knew Albus was using him. The moment he became of little use to the Headmaster, he was on his own.

The others saw a different man- the gleeful, fun loving old man, which he was. There was always a sparkle in his eye and a new activity for "staff bonding." They saw the kind words and games he liked to play. They would never know him the way he did.

It wasn’t until she approached him, a gentle hand on his shoulder as they left that first meeting, that he knew that there was someone else that knew Albus the way he did. Turning to face his old professor, now colleague, Severus raised an eyebrow at the gesture. "I find it customary to share a drink with each new staff member. As Deputy Headmistress, I do believe it part of my duty to make you feel welcome."

Still so unsure of her intentions and untrusting of any ounce of kindness, he felt his nose turn up. "And what if that new staff member was a Death Eater?"

"I said new staff member," she replied in the same matter of fact manner she used on her students. He had always hated it. "I made no mention of any other requirements or restrictions. Nine o-clock in my rooms."

It was this strange invitation that brought him to Minerva’s rooms at precisely nine that evening. The situation made him uncomfortable, but her tone had left him little room to decline the invitation. She seemed to have that effect on people. Severus had not had much alcohol over the years. The taste of it often made him nauseous. Years with Voldemort's followers had ruined the sensation for him. At the beginning, it had been fun. He was part of the group and finally felt accepted. He would drink his fill, until he was falling over drunk. As the years went by, however, the drinking became less and less fun. He began to associate drinking with Death Eater victories- usually the murder or rape of someone. While others celebrated, he began to pull further and further away from the celebrations. The simple thought of a quiet evening with a drink in his hand was foreign to him.

When she opened the door, he immediately noticed she was in far less than her usual teaching robes, wearing only a simple dress and thin robe draped atop. She looked thinner and far less intimidating in the more casual dress. He shifted uncomfortably, feeling slightly overdressed for the situation. "Severus! Come in," she said, motioning him into her rooms.

He had only been in them once before, and it had been many years before, when he was a young child, crying to her about a situation with his father. As a grown man, he looked around the very Gryffindor decorated rooms and felt himself blush. What a pathetic child he had been around her. Only her. She was the only teacher he had trusted. Even when her own students were the problem, she'd come to his defense. "Have a seat," she said, sitting in arm armchair beside the fire, pulling him out of his thoughts. Severus sat down in a chair opposite her, finding his body relax slightly at the way the fabric molded to his body and the heat from the fireplace warmed him. "Brandy?" She asked, pushing a glass and a bottle towards him.

"Thank you," he said, nodding.

A strangely friendly silence fell between the two for a few moments. He watched as the elder woman stared into the fire, brandy in her hands, slowly sipping it. It had been a long time since he'd looked at her. In fact, he had never really looked at her. She had aged significantly since his time as a student, but she didn’t look old. Her eyes glowed in the fire. He had never noticed how green they were. She was a strange woman; that much was always clear. As strict as she was, it had always been clear she had a big heart. The dichotomy had always perplexed him; she was unpredictable, the Scot she was. The lines beneath her eyes gave away the softness he knew lived under her cold exterior. Something about her intrigued him. Sitting across the room from her, he felt slightly intimidated, like he was still a student sitting in her classroom. The situation was uncomfortable. They were colleagues now; but Minerva had a way of making everyone feel like a student when she needed to. Could he speak unless spoken to? The whole situation was almost comical; he took a sip of his brandy, staring at her for a sign of how to act. Finally, she asked, "How are you settling in?"

Lost in his thoughts, her words brought him back to the present. "Fine."

She sighed, and he watched as she took a rather generous sip of her brandy. "I meant it when I said I wanted to welcome you, you know?"

He snorted. "After everything, you want me to believe that?"

"I rather hoped you would, " she replied frankly. "I can see why you think there is some sort of...other intention. I assure you there is none."

"There always seems to be," he muttered more to himself than to her.

"Albus?"

"Hm?"

She leaned back in her armchair, her hair beginning to fall out of its normal bun, and her robe showing a small amount of cleavage. The way she sat, she looked wondrously human. For the first time, he felt he was sitting with a person that was just that- a person. She wasn’t putting on an act. She wasn’t a professor, Deputy Headmistress, or Head of Gryffindor house. She was Minerva. She finished off her drink with one long swig and Severus widened his eyes. Years of being her student left him perplexed by the idea of Minerva looking so at ease and so real. It was oddly intriguing.

"You may have your boys club with Albus, but I’m not thick enough to think that you’re teaching here because you found a sudden love for children." He didn’t say a word, careful not to say more than he should. She was crossing dangerous waters. Had Albus told her? How much did she know? "I don’t know the details, nor do I care to know how Albus plans to use you. But I’ve been by the man’s side long enough to know Albus doesn’t do things just out of the goodness of his heart. There’s a benefit to everyone he takes under his wing." Pouring herself another glass, Minerva topped his off as well, leaning forward as she said, "And I assure you, Severus, I understand the feeling."

He took another sip of his brandy, staring at her for a few moments. She had always been blunt, that he remembered. But he realized that as she spoke, it was the first person that had spoken nothing but truth to him for as long as he could remember. As her thin fingers curled around the glass and she leaned back once more, he felt a new sense of comfort in her presence. "Yes," was all he finally said in reply.

She gave him what he knew was a rare smile. "I'm glad we can be at some sort of understanding." Another bought of silence fell over them, but Severus found he was suddenly comfortable with it. “I will enjoy having another one of Albus’s pieces of bait around.”

“What?”

Minerva laughed slightly, downing the rest of her drink. “I love the man; I do. The way I’m speaking, I suppose it sounds like I don’t, hm?” He nodded. “No, no. I care for him dearly. He’s my best friend, but in that friendship, I know how he operates.”

“You don’t know anything about our agreement,” he said, partially fishing to see what she knew.

“You’re right, Severus, I don’t. And believe me, I don’t care to ask.”

“Then why do you keep bringing it up?”

“Simply so you know you’re not alone. You’re not the first person he’s used, and you certainly won’t be the last. Just glad to know I’m not alone in his shadow for now.”

Severus snorted. “You don’t know the half of it.”

“In time, we will become his two right hands, for different reasons and different purposes, yes. But I suspect as things develop, it will be us he falls to.”

She wasn’t wrong. He knew she wasn’t. Him as double agent, she as Deputy Headmistress, they were vital. “I believe your suspicions are right.”

Minerva leaned forward, her glasses sliding down her nose. “You should know, Severus. It is not customary I invite new staff into my private quarters.”

“The honest Gryffindor lied?” he asked, his lip curling into the most semblance of a smile he’d had in years.

“Mmm,” she nodded. “Albus made it clear you and I should be in good standing. He intends to use us both. Of course, he didn’t say that, but one does have to make assumptions when it comes to the way he works.”

“So, you thought you’d make the olive branch?”

“Precisely.”

Feeling the alcohol begin to settle in his system, Severus leaned forward as well, placing his now empty glass on her coffee table. “Tell me, Minerva. Do you trust my change of allegiance?”

She raised an eyebrow. “Should I have reason not to?”

“I didn’t say that; I simply asked a question.”

“Albus wouldn’t have you here if he didn’t think you had.”

“I asked what you think,” Severus challenged her.

“I’m inclined to trust you, yes.”

“Why?”

“I suppose until I have reason not to, I intend to give you the benefit of the doubt. But, as we are on the topic,” she began, standing and moving to grab another bottle of brandy from her cabinet. “You lay a hand on a student, and I’ll kill you myself.” When she made her last statement, she had been standing above him, her voice suddenly serious. “No harm will come to them as long as I’m here.” He understood. She sat back down, popping the bottle. “Now. I believe we have the business out of the way.” She propped her feet up on the coffee table. “What about teaching are you most nervous about?"

He raised an eyebrow at the sudden shift in tone, but he didn’t question it. As comfortable as he’d begun to get, her threat had shifted him back to discomfort. Push and pull- it seemed fitting for the now opposing heads of houses. They were still in murky waters, and he suspected they always would be. "When you've seen what I’ve seen, a bunch of children aren’t enough to rattle your nerves,” he snorted.

His answer had been blunt, a little harsh he would think to himself later. She didn’t seem phased, and if she were, she didn’t show it. "I suppose that's true. But you'd be surprised at some of these first years. Some days I think I would rather be fighting in the war again."

Severus couldn’t help but chuckle slightly as a small smile passed her lips as well. He couldn’t remember the last time he laughed. The sensation felt good. They made eye contact for a few moments, both smiling and laughing at the thought. Her eyes glimmered in the light, and he couldn’t remember feeling so relaxed. "Well, Minerva. I suppose we’ll see. I hardly see how a bunch of barely magical children will compare to my former companions.”

Minerva didn’t look at all disturbed by the mention of the Death Eaters. Something about her left her unnerved by the thoughts of his past. “As dim witted, and I use that term lightly, as I believe some of your former companions to be, I don’t think they quite match to the experience of having a first year explode even the simplest of potions up in their face, not to mention that of the rest of the class. It tests your patience; I assure you of that.” Minerva laughed. “I bet you give a detention every day your first week here.”

He raised an eyebrow. "Is that a bet?"

She shrugged. It was hard to tell if she was merely more comfortable around him or if she was slightly drunk. Or both. "I would say it is. A little interhouse rivalry wouldn’t hurt anyone."

Severus poured himself and Minerva another drink, relaxing more than he had expected. "What's the price?"

Minerva stretched her limbs, much like a cat, he noted. "The next bottle. We seem to have finished these off quite well." She motioned to the two empty bottles in front of them.

He nodded. "I’ll drink to that."

They toasted to their rivalry, and for the first time in a long time he felt human.


	2. Chapter 2

The first time they had touched was after a particularly ill visit from the Minister of Magic. Severus had been teaching at Hogwarts for a year or so, evenings of drinking and discussing various matters with Minerva becoming all-too frequent. It was a pleasure he allowed himself, one of the few he did. Whether his refrain from, as Minerva put it, ‘life’s enjoyments’ was because of fear or guilt, Severus never did place. Allowing the friendship, or as close to a normal friendship as he’d had in years, was an odd thing to give into, he had noted to himself, but it was the place where he felt the most at ease. For a woman so stern and off-putting, she too had a way of making one feel at home. 

That particular evening, Severus had gone to Albus's office to share news from a run-in with Lucius Malfoy, but when he muttered the password to enter the Headmasters office, he hadn’t expected he would be walking in on a meeting with the Minister. The double booking hadn’t surprised Severus. As cunning and well-planned as the old man was with his pawns for the ‘greater good’, he had a terrible time keeping his calendar straight. Minerva had told him early on to schedule meetings with Albus cautiously.

Albus was seated at his desk, with the Minster and Minerva across from him. Heads had turned to look at him when the Potion’s Master entered the room, and he immediately noted the red spread across Minerva’s face. Even through the usual twinkle in his eye, Albus looked exhausted and the Minister looked smug as ever. "Ah, Mr. Snape," he said, standing and walking to him, extending his hand. "It's been quite a while, hasn’t it?"

Severus made no move towards him nor did he extend his hand. The last time he had seen the plump man was at his trial, where the minister had been less than subtle about his enthusiasm to lock Severus away. "Indeed, it has," he sneered.

"Oh, Merlin. I forgot about our meeting, Severus. The mind of an old man- I double booked!" Albus exclaimed, breaking the uncomfortable conversation

"I can come back another time, Headmaster." As he spoke, Severus lowered his gaze back to Minerva who was gripping onto the side of Albus's desk, her knuckles practically white. Two years’ worth of evenings spent with the Deputy had allowed him to pick up on some of the more subtle things she did. Her lips were pressed together, and she looked at him, anger in her eyes that coupled with a furrowed brow that said _help me_.

"I'm afraid you will have to. Perhaps tomorrow evening? After your last class?"

"That can be arranged," he replied. Severus began to walk out the door when he couldn’t help but to turn and look at Minerva again. For the first time in many years, he felt an urge to help a friend. Yes, he'd certainly call them friends by that point. Their eyes met for a moment, hers somehow telling him she needed an out. It was the first time he read someone’s mind without occlumency, and it was a pleasant feeling- to understand another without intruding on them. "Professor McGonagall, one of your students was in the halls looking for you just now. I suspect they are still roaming around."

Minerva turned sharply to look at Albus. She stood from her chair, owning the room without having to say a word. The way she carried herself was intimidating, as a student it had scared him; as her equal, he found it made the corner of his mouth twitch into a half-smile. "Since I have no purpose in this meeting, excuse me while I do what little of my job remains in my hands." Severus wondered what she was referring to but made no comment. He waited for her to reach the door and left behind her, shutting it as they went.

They made their way to the bottom of stairs in silence, her shoes clinking against the floor the only sound he could hear. When they reached the bottom, she stopped and leaned against the wall, letting out a clearly long-held breath. Severus stopped beside her and smirked. "I assume you know there is no student waiting for you out here."

She chuckled slightly, albeit bitterly, closing her eyes for a moment. When she opened them, he saw her face still showed obvious distress. She ran a hand through her bun, a few strands falling out as she did so. Strands of black and silver pressed against her skin. "Merlin...I..."

"You don’t have to tell me," he said, putting a hand up to stop her. "You've never pried information from me, and I don’t intend to start doing so with you."

Minerva fell silent for a moment, looking away before turning to face him. "I know. I appreciate that, Severus. I will explain; I want to explain, but I think I could use a drink.”

"I suppose I best let you go." Severus nodded as he began to make his way back towards his rooms.

Minerva's hand shot out and grabbed his arm. For the first time, her eyes were pleading. "Can you come by tonight?

Severus was taken back. Their meetings, while frequent, had never come about from a direct ask. Discussions of lesson plans, Quidditch bets, being scheduled for rounds together, and political conversations continued from the staff room had always brought him to her room. There had never once been a request, always an excuse. Her hand still on his arm, her eyes were practically burning into him. She’d never looked helpless, Severus didn’t think the Deputy ever could, but it was as close to helpless as he’d think she’d ever looked. Letting his hand travel down to hers, he squeezed it. It was awkward, but she allowed it. “Lowering yourself to ask for the help of a Slytherin?” he teased.

Minerva dropped his hand from hers. “Allow me a moment of weakness,” she retorted.

"A drink?” he asked.

"Anything, " she muttered.

He smiled sadly. "How about I bring something by?"

She nodded. "Something strong?"

"It's a school night," he smirked.

The give and take between that two had become an increasing comfort in Severus’s ever tumultuous life. His comment earned a rare smile from her, a victory he cherished more often then he’d realized. When she turned away, hiding it slightly, he felt his stomach turn, but swallowed back the sensation. "I think you'd be surprised to find just how willing I can be to bend the rules,” was all she said in reply.

A few hours later, deep into a bottle of whiskey, she sat and explained what had happened at her meeting. Severus found himself listening more intently than he had to anyone in a long time. As he sat with genuine care for her frustrations, he had an overwhelming realization that he had grown to care for the woman. It wasn’t love, he would certainly never allow himself to travel down that road for a second, destructive time in his life, but it was some intense emotion he couldn’t quite grasp. Whatever the feeling, it was foreign and strange, but he sat still and gave her his poor attempt at support.

She had been talking about her meeting for an hour. Severus was surprised to hear that the Ministry was looking to make the Deputy position one from the Ministry to, as Minerva had so eloquently put it, "watch Albus’s arse." With the end of the war, Minerva suspected that the Ministry was paranoid about possible children of Death Eaters in the school, and they wanted a closer eye. At that, Severus had begun to feel a dreadfully familiar sense of detachment, knowing that his presence had certainly added to the Ministry’s upset. Minerva seemed to have caught on, nothing passed by her, and a simple squeeze of his hand had brought him back to the conversation.

Albus had defended the school's ability to monitor for possible threats, though Severus doubted the reality of the sentiment. What had most upset Minerva had been their Headmaster’s lack of direct defense of her. Severus couldn’t blame her. She was more than capable of doing carrying the job.

"I don’t know why the bloody man couldn’t have taken a moment to speak to my reputation!" she shouted, downing the last of her drink like a shot. Severus widened his eyes at her boldness. Her hair was beginning to come out of its usual tight bun, black and silver strands flying in a few different directions. Her breath smelled of alcohol, and she sat with her knees pulled to her chest, which pushed her cleavage noticeably out the unusually thin dress she had changed into before he arrived. No student would have recognized the head of Gryffindor house, and Severus found it both amusing and an honor to see her in that way. Severus found himself staring at her for longer than was necessary, trying to keep his eyes from wandering as she poured herself another glass. Over the passing year, he had grown to appreciate this side of her. She was more human around him than anyone had ever been. "Another?" she asked, motioning to him, having already poured herself a generous glass.

Severus was already beginning to feel the effects of the alcohol. With classes in the morning, he knew the last thing he needed was another drink. Yet, he shrugged and allowed her to refresh his glass for the third time that evening. He knew he was already drunk by the way he was staring at Minerva. The more he drank, the closer he found himself moving to her. It had been years since he had allowed himself to get to the point where he began losing his sense of judgment. But Minerva's state was a sign of her willingness to be vulnerable with him. Severus knew it took a great deal of trust from the elder witch, and he found he felt guilty for not letting somewhat loose.

"If it’s a comfort, I don’t think that Albus is thick enough to let them replace you," he finally said, breaking the silence. "The man is thick, but he's not that thick. Who would cover for him every time he whisks away on some 'business' trip?"

Minerva snorted, swirling the contents of her glass. "I'd like to see some ministry official handle one of Sybil's weekly complaint meetings about how none of her students have gotten in touch with their _inner aura_."

Severus tried not to let a smile pass his lips. A chuckle escaped him, however, and without a thought, he touched her arm, letting his hand linger against the fabric of her dress, surprising himself as much as her eyes let on that she was. She didn’t look displeased. "I bet those are the highlight of your week."

Minerva rolled her eyes, jabbing him in the ribs. She leaned her shoulder back against his chest, and he almost jumped at the sudden warmth against him. "If Albus replaces me, I think I may find I’ll miss them in a strange way."

She didn’t say anything else, and he was trying to rack his brain with what to do with the woman suddenly pressed up against him. Minerva didn’t seem bothered by the contact, and he certainly didn’t want to move her. Awkwardly, he moved his hand off her arm, wrapping it halfway around her waist. She let out a small gasp when he did this, and afraid he'd made her uncomfortable, he began to slide his arm away, but she caught his hand. "You were fine where you were," she said softly.

He bit his lip, trying to figure out if she wanted comfort or something more. He could feel his hands beginning to tremble. This was unfamiliar territory.

They sat in silence, Minerva leaning against him, his arm wrapped around her waist. He could feel her breathing, and his mind reeled at how quickly the night had turned. What were they doing? Her chest continued to rise and fall slowly, still nursing her drink. Severus watched her breasts move up and down, and he was suddenly fifteen again, no cares in the world but to look at any female body he could glimpse at. He brought his hand to her chest and cautiously took one of her breasts in his hand, trying to find her nipple through the fabric. Minerva moaned quietly when he made contact, and he felt his body immediately react at the throaty noise that came from his rival head of house. Merlin, this was a mistake. Minerva's hand made its way slowly up his thigh, to his crotch, and when her hand reached between his legs, he lost complete control when a thick groan practically fell from his lips. "Is this okay?"

Severus muttered a, "yes," and let his head fall to her hair. It smelled sweet, like lemon and vanilla. A sudden memory began to surge through him, pulling him away from the present. The last time he had been so close to a woman, it hadn’t been intimate. He tried to ignore the memory, concentrating on the woman leaning against him. Severus put a hand on her shoulder, turning her to face him, trying to read her face before they continued. The witch had a pleading look in her eyes. He had never seen it before. She put a hand on his cheek, stroking it so gently he could have fallen asleep from her light touch, and before he could grasp the situation, Minerva had taken his lips with her own.

The kiss began hesitantly. His immediate reaction was to pull away, and for a moment, he did, breaking the contact. However, with their lips still close, he allowed her to pull him back to her. It took Severus time to relax and adjust to the feeling. He hadn’t kissed anyone in years, since his time at Hogwarts, and even then, it had been the result of childish dares and challenges, nothing meaningful. Minerva was something; what she was, he still couldn’t quite grasp.

Her lips were soft. When her tongue pressed against his lips, he opened them without a thought, beginning to feel his shoulders relax as her grip on him became tighter. She wanted him- a young, pale and thin former death eater. Nothing about him had ever been attractive, emotionally or physically. He knew it was the alcohol, but when Minerva’s hand reached between his legs again, he found that he didn’t care.

Continuing to kiss her, letting his lips wander to her exposed neck, growing more and more comfortable, or more and more drunk, he didn’t know which, he turned and pushed her against the arm of the sofa. The kiss broke, and she was now looking up at him, hair tangled and her glasses at the very end of her nose. He took the glasses off, placing them on the table, where they had somehow managed to get their drinks before they spilled. As he looked down at her, Severus felt a rush of contradicting emotions. His member, which was pushing painfully against the seam of his pants, begged him to take her there. For whatever reason, she wanted him, and the thought of thrusting himself into the uptight woman gave him a thrilling sensation that made his cock twitch. But a painful memory began to push further into the front of his mind, reminding him of a promise he had made to himself years before. Severus was pushing back images that he had tried so hard to repress.

A hand on his belt brought his attention back to the woman lying below him. Both were breathing heavily, and Minerva unclipped his buckle, relieving some of the pressure in his pants. "I'm not a gentle man, Minerva," he growled, running a hand on the inside of her thigh. Tossing her down had caused the skirt of her dress to rise, a large portion of her legs showing.

The older witch unbuttoned his pants and unzipped the fly. "Good thing I don’t find myself to be a particularly sensitive woman."

The overwhelming need he had for his colleague and her smart-ass answer was enough for Severus to lift her skirts up the rest of the way, revealing a pair of practical, but red underwear. _Gryffindor through and through_ , he thought to himself. She had managed to pull his pants down his legs, followed by his underwear. He wasn’t trying to cover her with gentle caresses and prolong the foreplay. But, it appeared, she wanted none of it. She needed him as badly as he suddenly found he needed her.

When he slipped inside her, Severus moaned louder than he would have liked. It felt good. She was wet, and her hands were on his backside, urging him on. He closed his eyes, beginning slow and hesitant, but finding himself thrusting deeper and deeper into her.

Minerva was moaning beneath him, meeting each of his thrusts with a raise of her hips. He was surprised by the flexibility of the older woman. Severus could feel himself growing embarrassingly close to climaxing after only a few minutes, when he opened his eyes to look at her. Her eyes were squeezed shut, and her mouth open slightly. He wanted to stare at her, take in the view he wasn’t sure if he’d ever get again as he pushed himself into her. A sense of power rushed through him knowing that, as far as he knew, none of their colleagues would see her this way- exposed and vulnerable, legs spread and giving into her animal needs.

However, the longer Severus looked at her almost pained expression, the more she became the scared face of a young girl from years before. As hard as he tried to enjoy the woman below him, he suddenly couldn’t distinguish the two faces, and he felt his hands beginning to sweat. Continuing to fuck her, he felt tears begin to leak from his eyes, feeling the onset of a panic he had tried so hard to push away.

Struggling to breath and without finishing, Severus rolled off Minerva, sitting up straight beside her, her legs falling partially in his lap. He held his head in shaking hands, now soaked in sweat.

Minerva immediately sat up, pulling her skirts down and taking his arm. "Are you okay?" She asked gently.

Severus couldn’t look at her, bile rising in the back of his throat. _Stop, please!_ a voice screamed in his head. The tears were still coming, and he wished to Merlin he was alone. His face was now red, and he was utterly humiliated. "Go," he croaked, unable to get anything else out.

"No," she replied, making it impossible to argue in a way that only Minerva could. She pulled her legs off him. When he was able to look at her again, he saw concern, and what he thought was pity across her face. "You didn’t hurt me."

Somehow, she had known. She always did. Severus calmed his breath, swallowing the acid building in the back of his throat. "I.."

"He couldn’t get his own cock up?"

Severus felt his mouth drop open at both her words and what it seemed she was implying. "What?"

"He used you. Voldemort." Severus stared blankly at her for what felt like an eternity. Minerva straightened her clothes and her hair, as if to restore a little dignity to herself. A guilt washed over him knowing that he had ripped her sense of composure from her. "You had to rape someone," she said so matter of-factly, he had to replay her words in his head to see if she was saying what he thought. Severus tried to stop the humiliating tears that continued to pour from his eyes, but he couldn't. "You're not the only one who has experienced war, Severus. You should do well to remember that.”

Managing to pull his pants back up, he found himself suddenly void of physical strength. He pushed hard on the back of the sofa to stand and open the door. “I am leaving. I swear to Merlin, if you speak to anyone about this-,”

Before he could finish, she had stood, shut the door, and moved his hand off the knob. Though he tried not to look at her, he felt the heat of her eyes on him. When he did look at her, her eyes were fierce. “Shove off the Death Eater act,” she snapped. “I didn’t believe it when you waltzed in those doors two years ago, and I don’t believe it now. Accept that for once in your life there is somebody who cares enough to sit with you and listen.” She meant it. As hard as he searched in her eyes for an ulterior motive, some reason that she could be using him, he failed to find anything but concern. Trying not to throw up from the whisky and the anxiety that had formed a most uncomfortable knot in his stomach, he sat submissively in the armchair beside the sofa. “Hot tea?” she asked, this time softly, from behind him. “I do think we’ve had our share of alcohol this evening.”

The sudden dizziness that hit him confirmed her suspicions. “Yes.”

She transfigured what was left of the whisky into a teapot and their glasses into teacups. They sat in silence while she boiled the water in the small kitchen off the living room. Lost in his own thoughts, Severus practically jumped out of his seat when a hand came down on his shoulder. “It’s me,” she said so motherly, it almost made him cry.

Much to his comfort, she settled down with her cup on the sofa, and he was thankful for the space between them. The tea was warm in hands, but his stomach cringed at the thought of putting anything else in it. “What is it you’re waiting for, Minerva? Some heart to heart about why I couldn’t fuck you?”

Her eyes narrowed. “No. I rather hoped you’d take advantage of someone willing to listen.” She took a sip of her tea with a smugness that angered him. “And for once realize not everyone is your master.”

Severus felt his lower lip tremble, but he didn’t dare to let any more tears slip down his cheeks. Over the years, she had been the only one to take a genuine interest in him, show him true kindness, and here he was, only able to put walls between them. It took a long time, but words began to slip out of him, just as he’d let himself give into his physical needs moments before. “I was one of the few people in his inner circle that refused to participate in any of the _sexual_ exploits. Men like Lucius were able to get out of it if they were married.”

Minerva snorted, and Severus raised an eyebrow. “Thank Merlin he respected the sanctity of marriage during his genocide, hm?”

“I was one of the few who couldn’t find some sort of excuse. I’m a dark man, Minerva. I’ve killed with little regret, done things that would make your toes curl to think of,” he said, testing the waters.

“As have I, Severus,” came her reply. He hadn’t scared her. Her past was suddenly more intriguing to him than he could have ever imagined, than he could ever have figured from their day to day banter. “People have died by my hand, many whom didn’t deserve to.”

“I’m a dark man, but even then, I had limits on what I found despicable. The violation of girls is one of those things.” She nodded for him to go on, and he let his guards down for the second time that evening, continuing with a story he never thought he’d say aloud. “The Dark Lord had trouble himself sexually…” Minerva looked amused at this, and he felt bile began to rise in his throat as he continued. He put his tea down on the table, clutching his stomach. Minerva let him take his time, not rushing him into speaking. “He had grown frustrated with my refusal to take part in his _victories_ with the girls. He told me that, to prove my allegiance, he had a challenge for me. One night, he brought a young girl to the table. She couldn’t have been more than twenty,” he said, his voice practically a sob. “He had found her with a young wizard from a pureblood family. He was long killed. But he said that if she thought herself fit to corrupt such pure blood, then she should be corrupted in return. I tried to dodge his command…” Swallowing back a sob, speaking with a practically clinical tone, one he had developed and perfected of the years, Severus told her the rest. “When I refused, he placed me under the imperius curse, they managed to use an egorgio charm to get me…prepared…and they had me rape her. I didn’t even know you could do that with magic,” he said pathetically. My body reacted…it…she was killed soon after.”

Across from him, Minerva was silent, and when he allowed himself to raise his head and look at her, he saw tears streaming down her face. “I’m so sorry…”

“No!” he snapped. “I don’t want your pity.” Nodding, she seemed to understand.

“You haven’t been with anyone since,” she said calmly.

“No…I could never…this…tonight, it was mistake.”

Cautiously, Minerva moved down the sofa towards where he sat in her armchair. Her fingers lightly grazed his forearm, and his arm jerked uncontrollably at the soft touch. “You needed this.”

“I didn’t deserve…this…”

“Sex can be a wonderful thing, Severus.” He reached for the tea, allowing himself a sip, unsure of what to say. She should have thrown him out, been repulsed by him, but she sat with a hand on his arm, clearly going nowhere. “What happened between us, we wanted it. You didn’t hurt me…you didn’t use me…we wanted it.” He was silent once more. “Merlin, I feel like a teenager trying to talk about this.”

“Minerva-,”

“Listen. You need to allow yourself forgiveness, Severus. You’ve done some horrific things, yes. You have- despicable things. We all have.”

“Don’t compare your past to mine.”

“I’m doing nothing of the sort. I’m merely trying to remind you that it is acceptable to still enjoy some pleasures of life without the guilt you carry from your past interfering.”

“I couldn’t even give you a proper fuck,” he muttered, sipping his tea once more.

“You don’t owe me anything. I’m not Albus, and I’m Voldemort. I’m not your master.”

As much as he knew he should have, Severus didn’t move from the chair. With the fire crackling in front of them, the two sat in silence for hour. Only when Minerva fell asleep on her sofa, did Severus find his heart soften enough to cover her with a blanket and drag himself back to his rooms.


End file.
